Had sex this afternoon with somebody I've known for about 7 years but know nothing about him, including his real name. We fuck once every few months when I'm strapped for cash. He usually pays me $200.00 but he only gave me $173.00 today, said his daughter took his ATM card. Go figure.

I went to Target immediately afterwards.

I don't mind having sex with him. He's attractive, well built and well hung. I close my eyes and try to pretend I'm somewhere else though. It still felt good, in a way.

If it was Dean it would feel better. I don't even kiss this person. With Dean there is love and passion. This was a thirteen minute payday.

But of course I feel guilty as he'll for doing it. I feel like Mary Magdalane all over again. Thank God for prescription pills. Lorazepam .5, two of them and a brownie and some icecream. I also smoked a little off this roach i found in my truck.

I hate my life.